I Couldn't Live Without You
by Silverwind24
Summary: Heero finds himself at the annual Christmas party, but gets more than even he had bargained for as the fall of a certain girl off a balcony results in a kidnapping, and the sudden realization of feelings that had been repressed for too long. HeeroRelena


_Author's Note: _hey all, I wrote this thing forever ago and then found it again, so I revised it, chopped off a terribly sappy ending, and here's what I have. I've written and never posted SO many Gundam Wing fics, but this is the first I've posted, actually. I never usually write Heero/Relena fanfics so it's almost ironic that this is what I'm posting. But it's what I've got, so let me know what you think with a review!

* * *

**I Couldn't Live Without You**

_Chapter 1_

Heero Yuy typed feverishly on the keyboard of his laptop computer. He had been up for hours imputing data, with only a black cup of coffee to sustain him. He glanced at the digital clock, which was clearly visible in the darkness of his room. He sighed, and swallowed a yawn. It was only 2 a.m. Heero hardly slept at all anymore, if he could help it. Sleep was too unpredictable, and he hated not being in control. His dreams were too painful, and filled with emotions that the perfect soldier had no need for. He tapped several keys, rapidly closing the files and programs that he had been accessing. He slammed the computer closed, and flopped down on his bed. Sometimes if he was so tired that it hurt even to move, and his body was so sleep-starved that it ceased to function, he would lapse into a blissful state of dreamless nonexistence. He took a deep, painful breath, as he felt himself shutting down, and submissively allowed his world to go black.

Heero woke the next morning to the continual ringing of the phone. He closed his eyes and willed it to just shut up. He made the mistake of checking his clock, and saw that it was past noon. _Screw work_, he decided. The phone paused for a moment, before the answering machine kicked in. He faintly remembered buying an answering machine, but he'd never used it before now. Shortly, he heard Quatre's worried voice.

"Heero? Are you ok? We're worried about you; you've never missed work…ever! Everything is fine, so if you're sick don't come in, but I can't remember you ever being sick. You haven't been yourself lately, and I really want to talk to you. I'm going to come over after I get out of work. Hope you're ok. Bye."

Heero sighed, and didn't move. Damn Quatre and his kindness. He considered getting up and going out…it didn't matter where. He could sit in the park for hours, for days if he wanted to. Then he thought of Quatre banging on the door of his apartment and decided just to go back to sleep. But sleep just wouldn't come. He wasn't really tired anyway. He wondered why he had allowed himself to continue to sleep; he had never been late for anything or ever missed a day of work. It had been the most important thing in his life, but lately…nothing had seemed to matter. Again, he cursed Quatre's empathy; he would be the only one to notice these things. Duo was too busy in his own perfectly delightful life, Trowa would never say anything if he did, and Wufei didn't give a damn. It wasn't their fault. It was just the way that they were. He abandoned all hope of sleeping again, and just lay there.

When Heero heard the soft knocking on the door, he had no doubt who it was. He dragged himself to the door and opened it.

"Hi Heero!" Quatre greeted him cheerfully, letting himself in. He was carrying a plate of chocolate chip cookies and some tea. He put them down on the table, and grabbing the sleeve of Heero's shirt he pulled him down into a chair. "So…how're you doing?" Heero grumbled something in reply, but when Quatre's face fell, he cleared his throat.

"Fine. I'm fine."

"Oh. That's good," he replied, knowing that it wasn't true, and Heero could see it on his face. "Ummm…I brought you cookies!" Heero nodded at him, and the Arabian boy's smile faded.

Quatre was troubled. He knew that everyone had their on and off days, but he could always count on Heero to be…. Heero. Heero's behavior wasn't so obvious that anyone could pick it up. It was a subtle difference; he was listless, and would pace back and forth without a purpose. That frightened Quatre, because Heero always had a purpose. He wouldn't hear when someone called his name, and was obviously sleep-deprived. And when he hadn't come to work, Quatre's fears had been confirmed. Knowing Heero the way that he did, he had the right to be worried, and he had to find out what was wrong, so he could do something about it. He had developed a plan, a stupid plan, but a plan nonetheless, and if he was right about his friend's problem, his stupid plan might work.

"Guess what, Heero? We're having the Annual Christmas party at my house this year!" Quatre told him, referring to the Christmas party the Preventors had every year, which doubled as a celebration of the end of the war.

Heero was not big on large social gatherings, so he simply grunted.

Quatre frowned a little, but he wasn't giving up. "I think it's going to be great. And I think that you should come."

Heero almost laughed. "Why?"

"I think that you need to have a little fun. We're all going to be there, even Wufei, and you know how he hates parties."

"_I_ hate parties, Quatre."

"No one should be alone on Christmas…" he added plaintively.

"I'm always alone, Quatre."

"Heero…tell me what's wrong," he said softly, sensing that his friend almost wanted to talk.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Then come to the party. Please."

Heero paused shortly, and stared at the floor. "Will you leave me alone if I come?"

Quatre grinned. "Yes."

"Fine then."

"Yay! Its on Christmas Eve, ok? Thanks! See you later!" He hopped up, and skipped cheerfully out the door.

As Heero began to eat the cookies Quatre had brought, he began wondering what he had gotten himself into.

"Wow, how'd you manage to pull that off?" Duo asked from his position on the sofa.

"What?"

"Heh-heh…I didn't think you had such evil motives."

"Duo, there were no evil motives involved. I just wanted Heero to get out a little, you know that."

Duo sat up, he had been in the middle of a nap when Quatre had come in and woken him up. It was Quatre's house, after all, so he really had the right to do that. After getting over the shock of finding his friend in his house, Quatre had told him about the Christmas party.

"Really Quatre. Didn't you know that Miss Vice Foreign Minister is speaking there?"

Quatre paled. "I didn't! I swear! You're the matchmaker, not me!"

"It's simple, really. Heero's problems could be solved."

"You're right, you know," Quatre said, and sighed. "But no more meddling in Heero's life. Right? Duo?"

Duo was on his way out the door. "Yeah, sure. I think he can take care of himself. Oh, by the way, that was a great cake you had in the kitchen." He waved, and ducked outside.

Quatre rolled his eyes. He would never understand Duo.

Relena looked up from the draft of her speech and sighed as she was confronted with a mountain of papers. _No matter_, she attempted to think optimistically, _I _will _get this all done. Somehow._ She read over the speech to herself, and frowned. _Why am _I_ called upon to speak at every single gathering the Earth Sphere has? What do I know that no one else does? Why do they think that I ended the war? I didn't! Heero did._ She smiled weakly when she thought of Heero, and then viciously pushed him out of her mind. And as always, her half-hearted efforts were useless. She hadn't seen him in such a long time. That was no surprise. What, did she expect him to come visit her or something? No, he couldn't, not that he wanted to anyway. Relena still lived with Milliardo, and he despised Heero with a passion she could never understand. She wondered if he would be at the Christmas party. No, of course not, she knew him well enough to know that he hated social gatherings. Even more than she did. That was a laugh, the Vice Foreign Minister who hated parties. Well, they were such a waste of time. No one there actually cared about her; they were either making idle small talk, or trying to get something from her, and she hated that.

Dropping her pen and the copy of her speech down onto the desk, she rose to her feet and walked restlessly to the window. At least some of her friends would be at the party, she thought in a useless effort to cheer herself up. The other pilots were always so nice to her, but they only made her think of Heero more. _Life is a vicious cycle_, she decided dryly. Sighing deeply, she returned to her seat and continued to write.

* * *

_Chapter Two_

Heero uttered several fierce profanities as he looked at himself in the mirror. Damn Quatre. How could he have forgotten how much he loathed this suit? He half-heartedly wondered if he could still get out of the party. Well, he _could_ always kill himself, but this was surely a trivial cause after all of the times he had tried. He shook his head. He would make a brief appearance to shut Quatre up and then he could leave. He stared at his reflection and frowned. He really didn't look well. He supposed that he had been letting his health slip a little, and he wasn't eating as much as he needed to. His lack of sleep was also obvious. Heero ran his hand through his tangled hair. How could he go out in public looking like this and expect his friends to leave him alone? He didn't really care anymore. Straightening his tie one more time, he left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Quatre's mansion looked fabulous, as always. He had obviously killed himself decorating, and was undoubtedly honored at having the annual Christmas bash at his place. Or one of his places. Heero decided that the best way to get everyone off his back would be to walk in like any other guest, instead of trying to sneak in. He rang the doorbell and was greeted by Quatre himself.

"Heero!" he cried, throwing his arms around his friend. "I knew you would come!"

Heero disentangled himself from Quatre, and smiled as politely as he could.

"Trowa and Duo are here already, and I think Wufei's going to be late…" he frowned at the prospect of lateness, and then he brightened again. "Come on! I'll get you some food!" Quatre caught hold of his arm and pulled him over to a buffet table where Duo and Trowa were standing.

"Hey! Heero! Awesome!" Duo said with his usual cheerfulness. "I thought Quatre was joking when he said you were coming. So how're ya doin'?"

"Yeah, I'm doing fine," he told Duo.

"That's great man! Ooh! You should have some of these cookies! They're the best!" Duo advised him, waving a cookie in the air.

"Duo!" Quatre exclaimed in distress, "Those are _supposed_ to be for desert!"

"Oh, put a sock in it Quatre! I think I'll be able to handle having a few cookies! I'm a big boy now." He grinned and popped another into his mouth.

Trowa had been silent through the brief conversation, and shook his head at their antics. He looked over at Heero, and saw that he was sliding into the shadows and leaning against the wall, trying to make himself inconspicuous. Trowa frowned slightly, thinking that Quatre was right in worrying about Heero. Even Trowa had learned to accept that the war was over, and he somehow had been able to move on. Each of them had moved on, and found their own place in their new peaceful world. It was obvious that Heero had not yet found his place, although he was stripped of his Gundam and of all his weapons, he was still a soldier. Trowa supposed that they would all always be soldiers, but they were all human beings as well, and they were meant to serve a purpose. He knew that Heero had a purpose and a place, but was his stubbornness preventing him from finding it? Or was there something else? He knew that Quatre thought that there was more to Heero than he was letting on, but what was it?

Outside the mansion, Wufei and Sally pulled up in a red sports car. Wufei stopped the car near the door to let Sally out. "I'll go park," Wufei said shortly.

"Oh that's all right, I'll come with you," she replied lightly.

"No, you get off here, and I'll park the car."

"It's all right, I'll come with you."

"No, you won't."

"Yes I will!"

"Woman! Go inside, and I will park the damn car!"

"Wufei! What is your problem! What, do you not want to be seen with me? You pick me up, yet you don't even want to walk in with me?"

"I can park a car without your assistance!"

"Fine! Fine! And don't worry about bringing me home, I'll find my own ride!" She got out of the car, slammed the door, and promptly marched inside.

"Damn." Wufei muttered to himself. He was never very good with women. Oh well. She would get over it.

"Hmmm, I guess Wufei is here," Duo observed after Sally had entered, followed by Wufei, who was scowling at her. He walked over to stand next to Trowa; at least he wouldn't jump on his case.

"Hi Wufei! How are you! I'm so glad that you could make it! Here, have some punch!" Quatre chimed enthusiastically, thrusting a glass of punch into Wufei's hand.

"_Quatre_," Duo whined, "This is _boring_!" He then winked at Trowa who rolled his eyes. Quatre's eyes widened with horror.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" he cried in distress. "Am I a boring host? I worked so hard to have everything be so nice! Don't worry Duo, I'll think of something fun that you can do!" he exclaimed before running off.

"That was low, Maxwell" Wufei remarked dryly.

Duo giggled. "I know. He'll be back soon. Maybe he'll bring some food," he added thoughtfully.

Heero scanned the floor of the room with his eyes, unconsciously summing up the situation and making note of suspicious characters and possible escape routes as he had become so accustomed to doing. He felt like an outcast, even among his closest friends. Wufei had always been the different one, but he had somehow managed to come to terms with his views on morality and his wartime experiences, and he had even learned to love. Heero shook his head and blinked hard to rid himself of unwanted and unnecessary feelings that he instantly deemed too sentimental for the perfect soldier. Funny that he still thought of himself that way, even in this time of peace. _They may call it peace,_ he thought, _But peace is the opposite of what I feel inside._

Heero looked up as a streak of blond hair passed by him. It was Quatre, breathing heavily and a light flush on his pale complexion.

"Duo-" he gasped for air when he reached where the other former pilots were standing, "The band is going to start playing right now. They weren't scheduled for another half and hour, but since you were bored-"

He was promptly interrupted by howls of laughter from Duo and Wufei. Trowa smirked but looked guilty, and Heero felt his lips curve into a smile. Quatre's moment of awkward confusion was interrupted as the band started playing, and Duo sidestepped onto the floor with a graceful turn and began to dance as he saw fit. Shrugging, Trowa joined in, followed by Quatre, who Heero could swear was doing a fractured version of the hokey-pokey.

_Look at how they've changed, _Heero thought. _They're so alive, so carefree. And what am I? I still cannot get over the war, and I cannot find myself. How can I come out from behind this mask if I do not know who I am?_

"Hey, Yuy. At least you haven't gone insane as well, eh?" Wufei said in greeting as he slid in next to Heero. He nodded back at the Chinese boy, but he thought, _This is so typically Wufei; cynical, sarcastic, even rude. I can't even find it in myself to _be_ rude. _

Wufei stiffened suddenly as an attractive woman in a black dress walked by slowly. "Don't think that you're getting away from me that easily, Wufei," she said, her voice soft and low with a note of emotion in it that Heero didn't recognize. He watched Wufei turn a vivid shade of pink, but he wasn't as reluctant as he could have been as Sally pulled him onto the dance floor.

Thoroughly disgusted at what he was seeing, yet not wanting to leave quite yet, Heero wandered around downstairs, away from where the party was. He plunked a few keys on one of Quatre's many grand pianos, and attempted to admire the fine paintings that hung on the walls. He came upon a painting of a beautiful young girl, who looked so familiar to him, like someone he knew long ago. Only when he read the title at the bottom of the work did he realize it was a portrait of the Vice Foreign Minister. She was so young in the picture, so innocent. When he looked at her eyes, he could see none of the cares that he clearly could read when he watched her deliver her speeches and addresses on TV. No, this was Relena before the war. She must have been only fourteen years old. _That wasn't so long ago_, Heero thought. She had no knowledge of the burdens she would bear scarcely a year later.

_How the war has changed us all. Relena lost her innocence, and she can never go back to being that girl she was then. Would she still be like this if she had not found me lying on the beach that day? If her_ _father had never been assassinated? Even so, have I played some part in the life she has chosen for herself? If we had never met, would she be the instrumental young woman that she is, or would she sit at home with her mother, still weeping over her father's death? If we had never met, and Relena had not become so involved in the war, would the Earthsphere have this peace? What would _my_ life be like, had Relena never touched it? _

Heero shook his head violently, warning himself not to continue in this train of thought. He always behaved strangely whenever Relena was concerned, and it scared him. Not that there was anything particularly frightening about the Vice Foreign Minister, but Heero felt that those thoughts were dangerous, and all too sentimental and reflective for his tastes. He told himself that it was best to stay as far away from Relena as possible, even though the mere sight of the painting intrigued him, until he could not tear his eyes away from it. Weakening for just a moment wouldn't kill him, so he studied every brush stroke, and examined how the artist had captured Relena's essence with a splash of paint.

Heero's head snapped up as he heard a scream, and suddenly he heard the cracking and splintering of wood as the railing above him gave way. He found himself catching a falling body without giving it a second thought, instinctively rolling onto his back to absorb the impact of the fall. His vision blocked by the debris, he heard a quiet moan, and could tell by the light weight of the body that the victim was a young woman.

Pulling himself into a sitting position, Heero murmured, "Are you hurt?" still slightly shaken by the unexpected occurrence.

"I think I'm quite all right, thank you. I wouldn't be, if you hadn't cushioned my fall," replied the young woman, brushing hair out of her face.

He recognized her voice before he saw her face, and he choked on his own words and coughed suddenly.

"Are you all ri-"she began and stopped as she recognized the young man on whose lap she was sitting. "Heero?"

"Re-Relena…. I didn't know you were coming…."he began lamely and then ended, unable to look at her.

"Heero, I haven't seen you in two years, I didn't think you were even on Earth, and you…you've always hated parties! I never thought…."she cut herself off abruptly, her face flushed. "I'm babbling like an idiot. Thank you, Heero. You always save me, don't you?" She peered in at him, waiting for a reply, and then realized she was literally on top of him. "Oh, excuse me." Relena slid off in a rather unladylike manner, and then inhaled slightly at a sharp pain in her wrist.

Immediately, Heero was holding the afflicted wrist, feeling it for any sign of fracture or breakage. She blushed harder, and then he looked up at her. "You should be more careful, Miss Relena. You've broken your wrist, and ripped your dress at the same time," he said with complete sincerity.

Heero's comment was enough to send Relena into a fit of hysterical laughter. "I apologize for offending you, Your Highness," she giggled. He looked at her coldly, and she grew silent. Without another word, he helped her to her feet, still holding the broken wrist in one hand. He watched as she dusted off her dress.

"I will escort you home, you are in no condition for this party," he said, and began to steer her down the back stairs, away from the way he had come.

"But I'm scheduled to speak, Quatre is counting on it, it will be broadcast throughout the Earthsphere," Relena argued, though inwardly pleased at the chance of a few more moments in his company. He didn't reply, and suddenly, violently, she was angry with him. "Excuse me," she said sharply, tearing her arm away. "How can you act as if I don't exist for two years, and then show up and order me around? Don't think for one more second that I'm overjoyed at seeing you, Heero, because truthfully, I can't decide what I think anymore."

Heero just looked at her, with such a sudden look of intense sadness in his eyes that she had to look away. She stared at the floor, and said, softly, "Thank you, Heero. I'm going home, changing my dress, and coming back to speak." Unable to think of anything else to say, Relena turned and started to walk towards the back exit of the mansion, away from where the young man was standing silently. She fought back the unexpected, irrational urge to sob, and walked away.

He stared at her as she limped in the direction of where her limousine was parked, and he realized that he did not know what he thought about the Vice Foreign Minister either. Seeing her and touching her had brought him a rush of something fresh and familiar that he hadn't tasted in years, but it made him shake and sweat like a frightened child. He was angry with her for the things she had said, but also angry with himself for treating her that way. He of all people knew that she could take care of herself, and after how he had treated her over the past two years, how could he have been so rash as to assume that she would shyly and sweetly comply with whatever he attempted to force upon her? Then he felt a pang of concern over her broken wrist, and a stab of questioning about what she _was_ doing leaning on that balcony. Confronted by an emotion he couldn't recognize that terrified him and pained him simultaneously, Heero sat back down amid the debris and closed his eyes. He hated parties.

By the time Relena reached her limousine she was shaking, and tears were dripping down her cheeks as swiftly and noiselessly as a summer rainstorm. Her wrist throbbed, and she noticed numbly that it had begun to swell. Letting herself into the backseat with a quick swipe of her ID card, she rested her head against the cushion and sobbed. Pargan would understand, he always did in his quiet way, giving her a few much appreciated moments to pull herself together.

"Please take me home, Pargan," she whispered, sniffing as her nose began to run. Only when her driver did not respond did the sudden adrenaline of cold fear surge through her veins as Relena heard a soft chuckle, and sensed the sleeping gas wrap her in its icy, agonizing embrace.

"Heero…."

"Excuse me, Mr. Winner?" asked a young man, touching Quatre on the arm to interrupt his frenzied version of the Macarena. "I was just wondering when the Vice Foreign Minister is going to speak."

"Oh yes. Hmmm, she should be starting any minute now. I'll go see if she needs anything," Quatre decided, and after cheerily excusing himself, he skipped up the stairs to where Relena was making her preparations. He turned the corner, and let out a little scream when he saw Heero lying amid a pile of debris.

"Heero! What happened? Are you all right? I'll get a doctor!"

"Quatre, no, stop it, I'm fine!" he shouted, and jumped to his feet to restrain his well-meaning friend.

"Then what happened? The balcony…"

"I know, I know. It's a long story."

"It can't be, you've only been here an hour!"

"Relena was leaning on the balcony, it fell, and I caught her. She went home to change her dress. There, you happy?" He told Quatre, a little snippily.

"Oh my goodness, was she hurt?" Heero shrugged in reply. "Did you walk her to her car?" He shook his head. "Heero! You couldn't have! How long ago was this? Why didn't she call me to tell me? Something could have happened to her!"

"The girl can take care of herself," he told Quatre, slightly confused by his sudden hysteria.

"Do you know how many people are trying to kill her? She was not supposed to be alone for one minute…. this is all my fault!"

Heero just stood there facing Quatre, suddenly realizing what he had known all along. His own selfishness and foolish pride, if anything happened to her….

"Heero! Where are you going?" Quatre shouted, but he knew what the reply would be.

* * *

_Chapter Three_

The place where her limousine had been parked was empty, and it looked as if whoever had been driving it had pulled out quickly. There was a crack in the curb and the car next to it was dented along the brake light. Pargan would never drive like that, Heero knew, the old man was so calculated and careful, for all that he was almost blind. Heero dialed Relena's cell phone quickly, but it rang and rang. Finally, her voice mail picked up, with her cheerful voice requesting the name and number of her caller. He knew better than to leave a message, but at least he had gotten a signal. Years ago, as a precaution, he had placed a tracker in her phone that linked it to his. On the small digital display he brought up the signal, and saw that she was still in the limo, being driven erratically across the city. Just as he was running to his car, he lost the signal. Damn it. Whoever had her realized the double purpose served by the phone, and they had destroyed it.

Never mind. Being Heero, he had given her a necklace for her seventeenth birthday that also had a tracking device in it. Being Relena, she never took it off since that day. Pausing for a moment to realize how strange it was that he was so connected to someone he supposedly didn't care about, he flicked a tiny raised bump on the back of the cross he always wore around his neck. They wouldn't think to look at Relena's fragile, thin, charm. It was the best-made tracking device in existence, and a beautiful piece of jewelry, but so ordinary that it was inconspicuous. He picked up her signal again, and this time mentally analyzed the route they seemed to be taking. They were heading towards the train station; it would be easier to conceal her if she was unconscious that way. The thought of Relena lying limp and helpless in the arms of her captors angered Heero tremendously. Eyeing his crappy Mitsubishi skeptically, Heero promptly "borrowed" Wufei's sports car.

Heero almost grinned at the familiar rush he got as he drove the car down the highway at 100 mph. Nothing could compare to piloting his Gundam, but this came pretty damn close. His phone rang, and it was Quatre. The voice on the other end was hysterical, and he revealed that he'd called out every law enforcer on the planet, and all of them were looking for Relena. Heero groaned; they would only get in the way. Assuring Quatre that he had everything under control, Heero hung up and left the poor boy to salvage the remains of his party.

Heero slowed his speed considerably as he heard sirens in the distance; the last thing he needed right now was a speeding ticket in this vehicle that most certainly did not belong to him. He'd gotten a fair head start, and he was at the train station before the cops made it onto the freeway. The tracking device reported that they had loaded Relena into a private cabin on one of the cars. Like a scene from one of the old train robbery films, Heero climbed onto the top of the train, approximately over the car that held Relena. He lay flat and out of view, and began to crawl along the roof of the train, towards an opening. Suddenly, the car lurched as the train started to move. Cursing silently, it would be much harder to get Relena to safety if the train was moving, he hung on, and thanked himself for watching those old movies during his various bouts of insomnia. With his natural skill of being unnoticed, Heero managed to jump down into a plush and padded hallway of a sleep-car. They had Relena in one of these rooms. However, crawling on top of the train had sacrificed most of his disguise, as now he was covered with grease, and his suit mostly ruined. Slipping into a bathroom, Heero washed his face as best as he could, and tried to calm his hair with a handful of water. He gave up on his tattered tie and jacket, but his white shirt had escaped most of the damage. Striding calmly and confidently out into the hallway, Heero almost blended in with the other passengers.

The room Relena was in was almost ridiculously obvious. Two tall and muscular men stood in front of the door. Heero had never seen them before, and they were dressed in extremely expensive tuxedos, as if they were merely guarding the door of a fatigued celebrity. Heero, with his perfect soldier intuition, knew that they were undoubtedly very stupid, and knew how to get rid of them without even thinking. Glancing out a window, he shouted in feigned surprise, and a heavy Japanese accent, "Ah! Police-cops forrowing train! We done for!" Panicked, the two men bolted to another car, probably to report to their superior. Calmly, Heero kicked down the door in one try.

His heart thumped when he saw her lying in the middle of the finest king sized bed on the train. She was so pale, which only made the bruises blossom like dying flowers onto her white skin. She looked like she was sleeping, and it took Heero a moment before he could bring himself to go near her. He touched a light finger to her throat, feeling for the barely present pulse. They had drugged her deeply, but not at all gently. Whoever had handled her had done so roughly, and his teeth clenched with resolve. He saw that there was no type of tracking device planted on her by the kidnappers, and he was thankful. If they were going to go kidnap the Vice Foreign Minister, they should at least do it right. Ever so careful not to hurt her, Heero scooped her limp body into his arms. As he had felt after catching her back at Quatre's mansion, he wondered how she could be so light. Her bones were as frail and small as a child's. Her head fell against his shoulder, and he paused, wasting precious seconds looking at her face. He took in the delicate curve of her chin leading up to her slightly opened lips, and her long blond eyelashes fluttering slightly as she breathed. A sound from the hallway made him realize how little time he had, and he cursed Relena and her innocent beauty.

Carrying her to the window, he saw that the train was moving very fast, but a soft expanse of grass lined the tracks. Folding Relena even closer to him, wishing that she were conscious and could hold on, Heero slipped out the window. He placed his feet along the ledge, gripped the top of the train with his right arm, and held Relena in his left. She groaned softly, and he irrationally wanted to comfort her. As he mentally judged the distance between his position and the grass, he heard a shout come from inside the room, and twisting his body to turn the fall away from Relena, he pushed off hard with his legs, and wrapped both arms around her. Their fall onto the ground was as calculated and graceful as possible, with Heero deflecting most of the impact with his shoulder blades. He didn't realize that a shot had been fired until the train had passed away, and a warm wetness trickled down his side.

Heero almost choked in a sudden, horrible onslaught of fear. He lifted Relena up and shamelessly ran his hands along her body searching for a wound. Only when he felt a sharp, incessant pain in his side did he realize that he had taken the bullet. Relieved beyond belief he lay back in the grass with her beside him. _What am I feeling… why am I so happy that she's not hurt…why do I keep staring at her like this, noticing everything about nothing? Why do I not care that I've just been shot, and why can't I make myself let go of her and look at the wound?_ For he found that he couldn't put her down, he was full of something that wouldn't let him do it. Was it fear? Fear of what? That she would disappear and somehow return to the hands of the kidnappers? Heero realized that he needed to get her out of the open and into hiding and protection. She needed to see a doctor; who knew what kind of drugs her abductors had given her. He could tell that it was probably an inhalant from the spasm-like twitching of her eyelids. Ignoring the rush of blood that poured down his side from his shoulder, he picked her up again. He had no idea where he was, only that he had to get her away from the train tracks, and to a hospital. Numbly aware that the bullet had missed Relena's neck by inches, he moved quickly, knowing that the object of her abduction was not for a friendly conversation, or ransom. Seeing that they were hopelessly lost in the countryside, he looked for refuge among the trees, crossing the meadows that surrounded him as swiftly and discreetly as possible. Once he had checked her vital signs and made her as comfortable as he could, he took out his satellite phone and called the first person he could think of.

"Yo, Yuy, 'sup man?" Duo chimed, obviously in a club somewhere. "This party is killer, you got to get down here! I don't know what's in the drinks tonight, but the chicks are-"

"I found Relena," Heero said, suddenly more aware of the pain he was experiencing, and a sense of lightheadedness.

"No way, man! Cool. Is she ok?" Duo's intoxicated state was clearly revealed by his almost apathetic behavior. He must have been pretty upset about Relena's abduction to go get himself drunk, as the Preventors were practically banned from infringing upon the work of Relena's bodyguards and the Secret Service.

"No. She's been drugged very badly, and handled roughly. If I give you my coordinates can you send someone to find us?" Heero told him, sitting down and putting his head between his knees to stay conscious.

"Yo, man, were you shot or something?"

"Yeah. Look, Duo, please." An uncharacteristic tone came into his voice as he almost pleaded with Duo.

"Sorry, Heero, I'm on it. Just send them over. Where are you?"

"In a forest somewhere. Duo, I don't know how long I can stay conscious, I'm so afraid for her…"

Duo was immediately sobered by Heero's statement, which was enough to make the hair rise on the back of his neck. "I'm coming, Heero, and I'll send you everything we have. Just try to hang on. Gotta go!"

Duo hung up, and Heero let the phone fall limply out of his hand. He sat down very close to where Relena was lying in a little nook underneath a dip in the earth. He tore the left side off of his shirt, which had once been white. He examined his bullet wound, and then balled up as much fabric as he had and shoved it into the hole, as if he were placing a cork into a bottle. He leaned against a rock, but strove to stay conscious. He had covered their path as well as possible, but the smell of blood could be easily detected, and he cursed his wound. Taking a deep, painful breath, Heero looked over at her again, and found that it gave him strength. Absentmindedly, he swept a wayward strand of hair out of her face, letting it linger on her cheek a moment too long. She stirred slightly, and moaned.

"Oh, Relena, I'm…sorry," Heero whispered, taking one of her hands in his. "This truly is my fault. I don't know how I could have treated you like this for all these years; how I could hurt someone like you. You said that I always save you, but I've never done anything without hurting you in some way. Even now I can't protect you, and it's killing me. But to think of someone harming you, it makes me feel…" he paused, awkwardly. "I don't know. I just can't understand why I feel…I've never really felt anything, since I was very small…I wish I could tell you why I act this way, but I don't know…." He stopped, shaking his head to clear something that was clouding his vision, and squeezed her hand.

Suddenly, she squeezed it back. Heero was surprised, and almost cried out, but years of being the perfect soldier prevented it. He looked at her frantically, and saw that she was awake, and staring up at him. She smiled slightly, and tried to sit up. "Stop! Relena! I mean, you shouldn't move, Relena. You've been given some very strong drugs….uh…how long have you been conscious for?" He said, looking away from her.

"Long enough."

"How do you feel?"

"Well, my head is throbbing so badly it might explode, but I'm fine." She tried to move again, and grimaced. "Maybe that's not quite true."

"We just jumped out of a moving train. I suspect that you're not fine, Relena," he told her, almost coldly.

"Really? And I missed it?" Her sarcasm stung, and even as wounded and concerned for her as he was, he resented her attitude, while still finding it somehow endearing.

"I suppose I should have brought you a souvenir," he shot back, uncharacteristically, and gingerly touched his wounded shoulder.

"Heero, you're hurt!" Relena exclaimed, instantly regretting her smart comments when she realized he _had_ brought a souvenir of the encounter that would hurt him for the rest of his life.

"It's nothing," he replied quickly, brushing her searching hand away. She managed to get herself propped up and peeled back his bloodstained shirt to look at the wound. He didn't resist, she saw that he was too pale and weak, which frightened her.

Relena let out a little gasp at the gaping hole in his shoulder, and didn't hesitate to stuff more cloth inside to stop the bleeding, an effort which it seemed was failing.

"Heero, I'm so sorry…" she whispered, watching him struggle to breathe, knowing how humiliating this was for him.

"For what?" He looked at her. "Making me love you?" He tried to smile, and started to close his eyes.

"No! Heero, no!" She screamed, grabbing onto him, as gently as she could.

"I'm sorry, should I have said that?" he asked, almost to himself, fading quicker by the second.

"No! Heero, don't die!"

"Who's dying….no one here…." His speech was slurred and almost delirious sounding.

"Please, Heero, you can't die. Just after I've found you again, right when I've realized that the only thing that gave me will to go on was my belief in you. It's not…it was never…a childish, girlish attraction, Heero. You've always thought me to be so frivolous, but I truly do, and always have…. love you." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she told him what she had never been able to, and saw him straining to open his eyes and look at her.

"Relena, you think so…little of yourself. Do you truly think that you could not have done all of this on your own? That, that disappoints me…"

"I wasn't strong at all, Heero, I was a weak little girl before the war, don't you know that? Meeting you, seeing how young you were, but still so determined, brave, and strong! I wanted to be strong for you, to help you win the war, so you could-" She stopped, unable to continue, unable to even look at him. She clung to his limp hand so tightly that it hurt him, but she had no idea.

"So I could what?" he asked, gently, looking at her calmly, his breathing coming easier.

"So you could stop fighting. So you could stop being the perfect, emotionless soldier, and just be Heero Yuy." She let go of her death-grip on his hand, and her fingers brushed over it gently, as she stared down at it, as if she studied the life running through his veins.

"Relena…. Look at me, Relena. I never, ever wanted you to do anything for me. You should never have left your home, never have found me on the beach that day. You should never have felt the pain that you have, because of that meeting. I wish-" Then he stopped, mentally weighing the magnitude of what he was about to say. "I wish you had never left your home, and gotten tangled in this mess of violence and blood."

"Then we never would have met, Heero." Relena looked up at him, suddenly showing her hurt in her eyes.

"I know, Relena."

"How can you say that to me? Look me in the eye and say you wish you had never met me!" she demanded, her voice rising.

"I wish-"

"Say it!"

"I can't," he shook his head pathetically. "You know I can't say that. Relena, all I wish is that you had never been put in this position where you were forced to lose your innocence and youth, and be constantly under pressure and in so much danger."

"All I wish is that you would stop being stubborn and feeling so guilty about pulling me into this that you don't talk to me for three years." She smiled a tiny, tentative smile.

"I said I was sorry about that!" He blushed slightly.

"Like it was nothing! It wasn't 'nothing' to me, it was everything!" She cried, almost becoming angry with him. He looked so dejected that she regretted her words, and remembered his wound, and the loss of blood. "I'm sorry. Thank you for saving me," she added, almost absentmindedly, as if there were more important things on her mind than the most recent brush with death.

"I'm sorry that I was foolish enough to let it happen," he conceded.

"There's no use apologizing to you, or thanking you, is there?"

He shook his head and smiled ruefully. Realizing how weak she still was, Relena lay down beside him, shoulder to shoulder, carefully avoiding his wound.

"Relena?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think we could get married, someday?" Heero asked randomly, becoming more candid as he grew weaker.

"I think that's a good idea," she replied, yawning sleepily.

"Ok. Because I couldn't live without you, you know."

"I don't think I could be without you for…a second, Heero," Relena added, letting her head fall against his arm.

"I'll never leave your side…again…."

* * *

_Chapter Four_

Heero awoke to a flash of white light, and his instant thought was that he had died, and failed Relena again. However, as his vision cleared he realized that he was instead in a sterile hospital room, not the afterlife. His next thought was for Relena, and looking to his left, he saw that she was in a bed beside him. Duo lay curled up in a chair, snoring loudly, his cheeks still flushed with an overdose of eggnog. _That's right, it is Christmas_, he thought. His mind clearer now, he remembered being in the forest with Relena, and mentally kicked himself for letting his guard down and losing consciousness, leaving her vulnerable again. He tenderly poked at his shoulder, and found that it was tightly wrapped, but he could feel that the bullet had been removed. Heero could only vaguely remember what had happened before, and he recalled flashes of Relena, first falling onto him from the balcony, lying pale and bruised on the bed, wrapped tightly in his arms as he flung himself from the train, then beside him, gently touching him in the forest. He was ashamed of himself as he realized how much danger he had put her through, first carelessly allowing her to be abducted, then losing consciousness in the forest instead of protecting her. It did not matter that he had lost quarts of blood and was barely clinging to life when Duo found him, the only thing that mattered was Relena's safety, which he had jeopardized. Then Heero remembered what had passed between them in the forest, and was suddenly horrified at the thought that none of that would have happened if he hadn't allowed Quatre to drag him to that party. He thought of her with such tenderness and love that it almost startled him, and at the same time seemed the most natural and wonderful thing in the world. He watched her, as best as he could, waiting for the moment when her eyelashes would flutter and open.

Relena's first thought was a calm and reassuring rush of warmth in her heart as she thought of Heero. Somehow, she had trusted that everything would be fine once she was with him, and was not surprised to find herself in a comfortable bed. Turning her head cautiously, she saw Heero staring at her, and thought that it was so considerate of someone to room them together, however unconventional, because she truly thought that she would not be able to breathe without him.

He watched as she woke like an angel, sighing as if waking from an afternoon nap, and turned to smile her sweet smile at him. His heart, already warmed towards her, melted and he knew that there was no turning back. He tried to sit up, but found that he couldn't, and the troubled look of concern that flashed on her face meant more than a thousand words. He smiled, as naturally as his untrained lips would allow, and it almost made her laugh. He didn't know what to say, and he felt as if the wordless exchange was so beautiful and priceless, that he held it out, letting his eyes pledge his love by his unwavering and piercing gaze.

Relena's eyes met his, and after a moment, tears ran unchecked down her slender and pale cheeks. She tried to smile them away, but her lip quivered, and she gave into her sobs, the tube in her arm preventing her from wiping them away.

"Don't cry, please, Relena," he implored her almost frantically, longing to comfort her with his touch.

"Oh, Heero, I can't help it," she whispered, just loud enough for him to hear, trying to wipe her eyes with a trembling finger. "It just seems so unbelievable, that this happened to us. And yet, I don't even know what is true, and what was a dream," she said, suddenly afraid that she had only imagined his devotion to her.

"Dreams aren't even this perfect, Relena," he told her, softly. She looked at him clearly through her tears.

"Perfect? You know, in a way it truly is. What else would bring two stubborn fools like us together?" She grinned, a sliver of her personality slipping through.

"Why, Quatre's Christmas party, of course!" chimed in a voice that decidedly did not belong to the two patients. Heero flushed as he remembered that Duo had been sleeping in the chair beside his bed.

Relena smiled at him. "Duo, where would we be without you?"

"Hmmm, probably still in each others arms in that forest, I'd say," he replied impishly, and she laughed again. Heero ardently but needlessly hoped that Duo wouldn't reveal the pathetic plea that he had made over the satellite phone. With a wink, Duo walked towards the door. "I'll let the staff know that you two are awake."

Watching him go, the two remained silent, but unable to look away from one another for even a moment.

"I don't know what else there is to say," Heero confessed.

"I know, and yet I want to tell you a million things that I've saved up in my heart," she replied.

"Relena, it might be hard for me to be that honest with you," he began, "But I'm more than willing to try."

"I know, Heero, and I'll help you, and wait." She nodded. "I've always waited."

"There are so many things that I know, in my heart, that I'd never realized before now. I can't believe that I allowed myself to suffer, to die, really, by refusing to think of you," he said slowly, trying the new, sincere words out in his mouth.

Relena nodded again in agreement. "And yet, haven't I been doing the same thing, becoming apathetic and listless, immersing myself in my work so as not to feel more pain than I was already feeling?" He got that stricken look of panic on his face again, and looked like he was about to apologize again. "No, don't! I don't mean for you to tell me again, Heero. It only hurts me more. I only care that you are here now. I could apologize for a thousand things, if I thought about it."

"Apologize for what? Being so loving, gentle, kind, beautiful, intelligent, charming, funny, caring, understanding… " Heero began, prepared to continue until he ran out of breath.

"Stop, stop!" She laughed. "You'll run out of nice things to say about me!"

"Like that could ever happen," he replied, but was smiling too, and they looked at each other in a breathless, wonderful silence.

"Relena, you couldn't imagine how much I want to kiss you right now," he blurted out; when he thought that he couldn't contain his desire for one more moment.

"Heero, if you knew how much I want to be kissed… " And they both stopped, knowing that when the moment came when their thoughts could be put into actions, they would truly be able to understand.

* * *

_Epilogue_

The white satin fabric billowed down from her waist, lace clinging to her torso, elegantly snaking in a pattern over the gauze that covered her arms, the tiny, iridescent pearls that were woven over her breasts, highlighting and framing her face, the two delicate curls falling over her forehead; he would remember them forever.

Falling flowers, voices singing in harmony, the flashes of cameras blending in with the tinkling of bells. Her hand in his, resting gently, yet tightening as he looked her in the eyes. She looked down, then up, and she had no idea how beautiful that shy and demure gesture made her look. He gave her his whole heart, and their souls were entwined forever, as they had been since the beginning of time. Her soft, moist lips meeting his in the most chaste of all kisses, and a dull, yet overpowering sound of cheering in his ears. It all happened so quickly, yet he would remember every second of it forever.

He thought that she would never stop laughing as they danced, his arms around her, and he felt like he could never let go. The only moment when he stopped to take a breath was when she was nestled in the arms of her brother, and she seemed for all the world like a seven-year-old girl at her communion. She had never seemed so bright and alive, and later she would say the same thing about him.

The sunlight waking him by warming his face, the realization that she was still there beside him, a strand of her golden hair swept over his face, and her hand on his arm. It was almost too much for him to take, but he knew that the uncontrollable feeling in his chest was nothing other than happiness and love.

Looking across the table and seeing her smile sweetly at him, listening to his voicemail to find she had called to say 'I love you' yet again. Not minding when she left the cap off the toothpaste, and adoring the way she kept the apartment together with love and flair. Smelling the fresh but not overpowering scent of her perfume, and feeling the silky touch of her skin. Her light, infectious laughter and winning smile, and her voice softening as she became more serious and put her hand on his arm while speaking to him. He loved her carefully coordinated, yet spontaneous actions, her clothing capturing her innocence in grace with a flow of fabric. She was still so young to be a wife, and it showed in her joyful exclamations over anything and everything. He loved her, and could not live without her.

Being away from her for too long hurt him like a bullet to his heart. He would constantly miss her presence beside him, but he had come to know her so well that he could anticipate what her wry and glib comments would be without her saying them. Holding her in his arms after being away for several days was like heaven to him. What else was there to say? She was perfect, and he didn't deserve her. He said it once, and he would say it again, "Relena, I love you, and I couldn't live without you."

Relena had changed too, realizing that she needed Heero to be complete. On their wedding day he had looked so happy and assured, as if he had finally realized that it was ok to feel, and to be alive. The world wasn't resting on his shoulders, but she was depending on him, and he was more than ready to be her everything. One night, walking through the countryside, hand in hand, she stopped, and turned to him. He looked down at her, instantly grasping her free hand in his. Tilting her head up to look at him, she smiled, watching how he would smile instantly in reply. "You know, Heero," she whispered. "I couldn't live without you either."

* * *

_Thanks for reading that! Please review and let me know how I did when I wrote that haha. thanks a million!_


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